Spring and the smiles...

I smile when the wind strokes my ears and eyelids; I smile when it is a bright day and yet wintry; I smile when I can tang a new voyage within me - voyage to overpower my destiny, to touch one’s wrist with zeal, to smell the roses with my spirit! I smile when I see the sun rising above the horizon and clouds distracting the sunflowers while they ogle the sun; I smile when I can hear the very same song for eternity; I smile when I stumble on unknown vigor; I smile when I get goose bumps for nothing; I smile when I see the leaves floating on the road, the trees jazzing at the sky; I smile when my mother asks me if I have started packing up the warm clothes; I smile when I can switch on the fan in my bedroom; I smile when I read the calendar as February 14th; I smile when I realize – its spring!

Monsoon Playback

It starts with slow piano melody with some clarinet fillers and a base guitar…when the first droplets touch the ground…and my forehead. I look up; hundreds of splendid stars rushing down with happiness of many different genres. The composition goes ahead…the flute joins now with a bagpipe and a santoor. Its not a sluggish movement anymore; it is now a wild crusade…the tiny drips have grown into finer drops of water…now the splendid stars bringing down some immense vigor. The drops are crawling down through my forehead, my eyes, my nose, my cheeks, my lips, my chin and then falling down to the ground. A violin joined now with tabla beats, and the drops malformed them into a cascade. The stars are now dictating the earth with majestic pleasure. The spell of rain touches my neck, my chest and my entire crust. I am flooded now…with bliss, with supremacy, with vanity…I am green now. The piano is playing a jazz with astonishing sovereignty and the clarinet is driving the clouds with its simple notes. I cannot rest now…I am dancing, I am jazzing – under the rain, under the gloomy cloud with my emerald wet core…

Band of goodness

It was almost 8 o’clock, I was lying on my couch and looking outside the window and involuntarily noticed my own heartbeat. After a long time I did supervise some time to hear it, just hear it – that’s it! I counted for a minute; my heart pumped blood 79 times. I looked out, a kid was returning home and his basketball – surprisingly - maintaining the same tempo – my heart was into. I counted my heartbeat for another minute (second time!). This time it pumped 86 times. I looked out, but the kid might have reached home or may be dripping the ball on the other lane. I looked in, it was 8 o’clock, I had to make dinner.

It was 11 o’clock; could not sleep though. I touched my chest and pumping was still on. I did not count this time, I could not hear it, I sensed the quirk, I tapped my fingers, I shook my head, I fell asleep, I met someone.

It was certainly an alluring creature. I could not see it, I did not know about its form, its gender, its color, its race, its voice. But what I did feel was its astonishing throb. I could hear that instrument before it; I could hear its enthralling rhythm, I could see its crests and troughs; I could touch its grandeur. I came closer to the creature but could not figure out what it was; however, could see that instrument.

I own that instrument now. Its with me forever and a day. My pumping machine retired last night and I employed this new instrument. It doesn’t have a string, neither it is made of leather; it doesn’t have keys, neither it has holes in it. But it sounds like a guitar, like a djembe, like a piano, like a clarinet. And I set up this holy rock band in the region of my realization. Alas! I did not notice the time then...

Two seconds, two talks…

After a long time the little boy finds his lost paper boat. He never owned it before, he always dreamt it. He always wanted to get that blue boat, which floats on his spirit but never gets wet; which takes him with it but never tells where they would go; which shines on the sea but never reflects on the water. He waited for the boat all these years – on the beach. It never touched the shore but he saw it every day, every season, every millennium; he touched it, felt it, smelt it, kissed it…he sailed it. He sailed it every moment - on his deep heart. He could see his reflection on the water but not his boat’s; he could touch the water but the boat would still be dry. He always wished for rain, so that they could get drenched together, but it never happened.

But today, he just saw his boat touching the shore where he sat for years; today he spoke with it…two talks – just for two seconds…and the boat went back to the waterless ocean. The boy still smells its odor on his hand…he could still kiss it when his lips touch each other.

My boat also has gone back to the sea, I never owned it either…just felt it for two seconds, had two talks…But I own those two seconds, those two words…which will float on my essence, forever. And you know what…it rains sometimes…

Why don’t we just go out?

I always like to walk around new places. When I was a kid I used to explore my terrace every afternoon and you know what...I found it different everyday. I was stunned then; same terrace, same flower pots, same bricks, same birds on the same tree, same kites, same neighbor house, their same dog…yet so unlike the day before! It was different everyday because I liked it that way and I expected it that way and I figured it out that way and indeed, I loved it that way!

I am much relaxed today as I just came to know I still have that thread inside my heart which binds me with ‘new things’. I came to a new city and fell in love with it. I went out with the city itself and it guided me so vigilantly. It showed me the beautiful roads and reminded me how pretty my feet look when they are on the sand; it showed me the monuments and I heard their majestic whispers; it showed me the lakes and the parks and the temples and the people; it showed me the small beautiful birds which I had never seen in my life and their nest as well; it showed me how my country has restructured itself in last few years at the same time how it has not given mercy to the people who are in physical contact with the motherland - day and night; it showed me some people fighting on the road and a couple kissing each other next to them; it showed me some animals being killed and eaten by men so rapidly and a small temple which has an animal as an idol to worship; it introduced me to my new beautiful nest…which I am sure will be envied by the parrot my grandmother has.

There are so much to know, so much to see, so much to get angry on, so much to get affectionate to…why don’t we just go out in the life in the same way…if you don’t know which way to take ask your conscience, if you don’t know what to do – see your roster, if you don’t know what to talk – hear others. Life is just like a new city…only difference is you get a chance to explore a city once in years…and you explore your life every moment you breathe…

It is fun to stay alone…isn’t it?

It is fun to stay alone…isn’t it? You are on your own, you can do ‘anything’ you wish to do. You can come home behind schedule, you can watch the TV channel you wish to watch, you can cook whatever you find irresistible to eat for the dinner, you can ‘sing’ your bath anytime you want – without anyone’s interlude, you can put the music player very loud and nobody is going to yell at you for that…

It is really fun! Isn’t it? It is really different too! You don’t have anybody to wake up for – because you want to wake up just for you, you don’t have anyone to throw tantrum over the breakfast – because you won’t have a breakfast probably, you don’t have to phone someone at home during the lunch break to find out if he has had his meal, you don’t have to fret if you are running late for the night show after the office, you don’t have to be bothered to have someone disturbing your sleep in the night…you don’t have to be anything else but you…exclusively for you…

It is fun and advantageous to stay alone…I completely am convinced. You have no one to answer for so many unspoken questions – your ‘truth percentage’ would increase; you don’t have to wear a ‘stupid’ outfit just because someone gifted it to you – you can wear the ‘bright’ one you bought last weekend; you will have nobody to kiss you neither you will have someone else’s lips to kiss – you are safe from all unhygienic dealings; you won’t have a shoulder to rest your head upon – and you would be absolutely ‘lice-free’; you won’t have anyone next to you on bed to tell your day out – good, you can store those expensive terminologies and write a novel later!

… And next morning, if you have a mirror, you could see the same face - and only that very face – with not even a small pinch of poignant clothing…

It is fun to be alone…isn’t it?

You do get that you don’t get!

When I was younger, I used to be very celebrated for being hungry all the time. Hungry for food, hungry for toys, hungry for an ‘inflexible hit’ from my mother, hungry for certainty, hungry to love, and perhaps...hungry for love. All these days, when I am older I kept thinking why I was so covetous? Why did I cry the first day I went to school? Why did I want my father not leaving us alone and going for a trip? Why did I take that blonde doll away from my sister only because it was mine? Why did I hate my English teacher for not giving me the highest marks in the class? Why did I envy my best friend when he got the best student award in college? Why did I disagree with the fact that my colleague is much more prolific than me? ...Why all these days I did not know that eventually, you get everything that you don’t get?

After being so coddled in my early days, I was expected to be a guy with no flexibility and which I was...until I came across the fact that I am as regular as the next door bald guy with a fat belly, as jealous as my friend is on her stunning cousin, as looser as my overweight horrific boss is when he is creative...Now, when I know that I am just a flower of this ordinary bouquet in this bizarre globe, I feel recovered and astoundingly much less greedy.

I apprehended this actuality couple of weeks back...when my conscience notified me that I am not going to get the person I feel affection for. What happens now? Who will load my empty stomach? Now, I am on my own...I can never reside in those gorgeous eyes, but I can touch them when I close the pair of mine; I can’t kiss those lips, but I can feel them trembling so rapidly; I can’t hold those uncontaminated hands, but I can collect the small droplets of sweat on it; I can’t hear that enchanting voice, but I can listen to it everytime I speak...

I believe these are the inevitable belongings which I wished for...these are the minute accomplishments which I wanted to experience, these are the only colossal possessions which I include in me...

So, haven’t I got all that I haven’t got actually...?

Weren’t they my colleagues?

Last Sunday I was the most fortunate chap in the whole creation as I intended to quit my job and decided to go to the Himalayas for a while and stay there - out of this chaotic, unintelligent civilization. I decided to quit smoking, I decided to quit liquor, I decided to get isolated without a clue of the brutal lads out here.

Next day I came to office, said ‘hi’ to the people whom I didn’t even care about, worked for a while on the same undone spreadsheet which I saved on my desktop last Friday, ate the same ‘thali’ which I am having from last three years, took a nap pretending to look at the monitor very inquisitively...and then I stood up to proclaim that I was actually going to do the bravest assignment in mankind history. My team mates looked at me and laughed...as if I did not have fortitude to do it...ha ha...I laughed at them too and walked into the room where I hated to enter otherwise, but hey...this time I was the king!

It is now 1 week since I quit the work where I signed a bond to get older very fast and to be speechless even faster. Today is my last day in office. Today I am young, I am not deaf indeed, and surprisingly I have my brain on the right place – still undamaged. I stepped into the floor and saw my bay decorated with blue papers and white flowers – very much colourful as I could ever think of my first day in the Himalayas! I found myself being squeezed by a dozen of gentle souls transmitting positive vigour across my body. First time ever in last three years I found that place so untainted, so serene. I got these skilfully wrapped gifts from my team members as I used to get from my mother on my birthdays! I got an old spreadsheet from the ‘recycle bin’ which was incomplete as usual, but this time I wanted to finish working on rest of the 365883 cells.

During the farewell I realised, I was standing in the centre of a gigantic family where the members care for each other but confirm only at times, I was standing with the same men whom I used to wave - for just saying “I am superior”, I was relishing the same sweetness which I used to think sickly sweet so far...

And I asked myself...isn’t this the place where I should be for the rest of my life? Isn’t this the purity I was looking forward to? Weren’t they my colleagues, I knew all this time?...I knew them; I didn’t comprehend them so far. And here I am...going to the Himalayas to get comprehended instead!

Leaving the city...!

An incredible force of nature reminds me that I am leaving behind 60 seconds - every minute, the rooster next door reminds me that I leave my dreams half the way – every morning, the traffic signal next to that shattered office block tells me that I leave my ‘beanbag’ alone to watch the most excited part of the cricket match - every season, the empty beer bottle on my table reminds me that I leave so many more bottles empty – every evening, my bed confronts me that I leave it ‘unattended’ – every night.

But now, when I am leaving the city, all that I know – I don’t know, all that I like – I dislike, all that I see - I can’t see, all the factual possessions in the region of my earthly bulk will be left behind in this city. Those 60 seconds, that neighbour rooster, the office block at the signal, the beanbag at the corner of my living room, the empty bottles at the edge of my bed will be missing from my roster.

Will the road I take everyday have the same amount of traffic? Will my house be lived by another callous mortal? Will those pigeons have twilight summit in my balcony? Will that bed be touched by another body ever? Yes, they all will experience the surrogate and will fine-tune for the next song.

And then I think, I am not leaving anything this time, ‘my city’ is leaving me!

I fall in love with her every moment in my life...!

I fell in love multiple times...I fell in love with my family, I fell in love with my friends, I fell in love with my small palms with which I could make my wall so 'printful', I fell in love with those songs, which I could sleep to...I fell in love with my house, my pet, I fell in love with my class teacher, my school, my college...I fell in love with the road I used to take while riding my bicycle to the college, I fell in love with the green days, the colorful thoughts, I fell in love with the fact that I could love...love people, love nature, love beauty...

But I would love to mention here about my first love...it was the day when I just woke up from a long dream...in my dream I was seeing a woman - wearing a sari and freeing a bird out of her hand. I felt like I was the bird - willing to fly away but not without the wonderful smell of that touch on its wings. I felt I am freeing myself from her to come even closer to her....suddenly someone slapped on my back and I opened my eyes with tear in it...and you won’t believe...I found myself on that lady's hand...but now I can see her eyes which has the same dream which I felt, same ocean which I swam across, same tears falling which was mine...I did not know her name...I did not know her identity but I fell in love with her...at first site...

Now I know her, I know her name too...she is the one who blesses me every time I go out of house, she is the one who waits for me when I am late to home, she is the one who scolds me on my faults, and she is the one who loves me the most in this world...

…And I can’t help... I fall in love with her every moment in my life...!