You do get that you don’t get!

When I was younger, I used to be very celebrated for being hungry all the time. Hungry for food, hungry for toys, hungry for an ‘inflexible hit’ from my mother, hungry for certainty, hungry to love, and perhaps...hungry for love. All these days, when I am older I kept thinking why I was so covetous? Why did I cry the first day I went to school? Why did I want my father not leaving us alone and going for a trip? Why did I take that blonde doll away from my sister only because it was mine? Why did I hate my English teacher for not giving me the highest marks in the class? Why did I envy my best friend when he got the best student award in college? Why did I disagree with the fact that my colleague is much more prolific than me? ...Why all these days I did not know that eventually, you get everything that you don’t get?

After being so coddled in my early days, I was expected to be a guy with no flexibility and which I was...until I came across the fact that I am as regular as the next door bald guy with a fat belly, as jealous as my friend is on her stunning cousin, as looser as my overweight horrific boss is when he is creative...Now, when I know that I am just a flower of this ordinary bouquet in this bizarre globe, I feel recovered and astoundingly much less greedy.

I apprehended this actuality couple of weeks back...when my conscience notified me that I am not going to get the person I feel affection for. What happens now? Who will load my empty stomach? Now, I am on my own...I can never reside in those gorgeous eyes, but I can touch them when I close the pair of mine; I can’t kiss those lips, but I can feel them trembling so rapidly; I can’t hold those uncontaminated hands, but I can collect the small droplets of sweat on it; I can’t hear that enchanting voice, but I can listen to it everytime I speak...

I believe these are the inevitable belongings which I wished for...these are the minute accomplishments which I wanted to experience, these are the only colossal possessions which I include in me...

So, haven’t I got all that I haven’t got actually...?

Weren’t they my colleagues?

Last Sunday I was the most fortunate chap in the whole creation as I intended to quit my job and decided to go to the Himalayas for a while and stay there - out of this chaotic, unintelligent civilization. I decided to quit smoking, I decided to quit liquor, I decided to get isolated without a clue of the brutal lads out here.

Next day I came to office, said ‘hi’ to the people whom I didn’t even care about, worked for a while on the same undone spreadsheet which I saved on my desktop last Friday, ate the same ‘thali’ which I am having from last three years, took a nap pretending to look at the monitor very inquisitively...and then I stood up to proclaim that I was actually going to do the bravest assignment in mankind history. My team mates looked at me and laughed...as if I did not have fortitude to do it...ha ha...I laughed at them too and walked into the room where I hated to enter otherwise, but hey...this time I was the king!

It is now 1 week since I quit the work where I signed a bond to get older very fast and to be speechless even faster. Today is my last day in office. Today I am young, I am not deaf indeed, and surprisingly I have my brain on the right place – still undamaged. I stepped into the floor and saw my bay decorated with blue papers and white flowers – very much colourful as I could ever think of my first day in the Himalayas! I found myself being squeezed by a dozen of gentle souls transmitting positive vigour across my body. First time ever in last three years I found that place so untainted, so serene. I got these skilfully wrapped gifts from my team members as I used to get from my mother on my birthdays! I got an old spreadsheet from the ‘recycle bin’ which was incomplete as usual, but this time I wanted to finish working on rest of the 365883 cells.

During the farewell I realised, I was standing in the centre of a gigantic family where the members care for each other but confirm only at times, I was standing with the same men whom I used to wave - for just saying “I am superior”, I was relishing the same sweetness which I used to think sickly sweet so far...

And I asked myself...isn’t this the place where I should be for the rest of my life? Isn’t this the purity I was looking forward to? Weren’t they my colleagues, I knew all this time?...I knew them; I didn’t comprehend them so far. And here I am...going to the Himalayas to get comprehended instead!

Leaving the city...!

An incredible force of nature reminds me that I am leaving behind 60 seconds - every minute, the rooster next door reminds me that I leave my dreams half the way – every morning, the traffic signal next to that shattered office block tells me that I leave my ‘beanbag’ alone to watch the most excited part of the cricket match - every season, the empty beer bottle on my table reminds me that I leave so many more bottles empty – every evening, my bed confronts me that I leave it ‘unattended’ – every night.

But now, when I am leaving the city, all that I know – I don’t know, all that I like – I dislike, all that I see - I can’t see, all the factual possessions in the region of my earthly bulk will be left behind in this city. Those 60 seconds, that neighbour rooster, the office block at the signal, the beanbag at the corner of my living room, the empty bottles at the edge of my bed will be missing from my roster.

Will the road I take everyday have the same amount of traffic? Will my house be lived by another callous mortal? Will those pigeons have twilight summit in my balcony? Will that bed be touched by another body ever? Yes, they all will experience the surrogate and will fine-tune for the next song.

And then I think, I am not leaving anything this time, ‘my city’ is leaving me!

I fall in love with her every moment in my life...!

I fell in love multiple times...I fell in love with my family, I fell in love with my friends, I fell in love with my small palms with which I could make my wall so 'printful', I fell in love with those songs, which I could sleep to...I fell in love with my house, my pet, I fell in love with my class teacher, my school, my college...I fell in love with the road I used to take while riding my bicycle to the college, I fell in love with the green days, the colorful thoughts, I fell in love with the fact that I could love...love people, love nature, love beauty...

But I would love to mention here about my first love...it was the day when I just woke up from a long dream...in my dream I was seeing a woman - wearing a sari and freeing a bird out of her hand. I felt like I was the bird - willing to fly away but not without the wonderful smell of that touch on its wings. I felt I am freeing myself from her to come even closer to her....suddenly someone slapped on my back and I opened my eyes with tear in it...and you won’t believe...I found myself on that lady's hand...but now I can see her eyes which has the same dream which I felt, same ocean which I swam across, same tears falling which was mine...I did not know her name...I did not know her identity but I fell in love with her...at first site...

Now I know her, I know her name too...she is the one who blesses me every time I go out of house, she is the one who waits for me when I am late to home, she is the one who scolds me on my faults, and she is the one who loves me the most in this world...

…And I can’t help... I fall in love with her every moment in my life...!